2:58 PM


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

As a new mother I don’t have a lot of time to reflect these days. My time is spent running from person to place, packing bags, putting out fires and taking care of my beautiful son and fiancé. The weekend passed all too quickly but I found myself in the shower last night (or this morning- the clock was teetering on the edge of 1 am) reflecting on my life right now.

On Friendship:

This is the one that sticks out in my head the most right now. We shared a wonderful night on Saturday with Brian & Jessica. We decided to have a “baby free” night. Although our children went to their grandparent’s houses it was anything but baby free. The night started out comparing notes, as always. Riley is smiling, gaining weight, sleeping in her big girl bed and hating her swing. Both of our children will find a “jumperoo” under the tree this year. Poor Riley has acid reflux but it is being managed well now. As soon as they cross the threshold of our house it’s like the great divide. Brian and Brian run off to the self proclaimed, “man-cave” or “manrage.” Far be it for us to understand why they would rather sit in the garage with a space heater than with us. My Brian says we speak in code, “Yeah I’d rather see him in the jumeroo than the play station. He will just have more range when he gets excited. Yes I’ve been nesting. Did you see the Ohio nesties are getting together in January?” Okay, I can see how that could be confusing from the outside. Brian and Brian are more alike than any two people I have ever met. At times they even look alike. It would make sense they would both be with women so very close.

Since the day I met Jessica we hit it off right away. We share everything. There is no façade or anything we need to hide. “I don’t know how to fix this with my baby, we literally have no money, our insurance sucks, this economy is killing us, listen to what Brian did…” I feel like I have known her forever. We opened a bottle of wine and talked babies, weddings and Christmas for a while. I got to share the video of Kaleb’s birth with her this weekend. I turned around mid-video and huge alligator tears were streaming down her face. My eyes welled to the brim too in that moment. It was for the same reasons I cried when I heard the news that Riley was here and healthy. Love, in its purest form. We shared so much that evening. They even got to stay the night because the roads got too bad. We even made plans for family vacations, Christmas Eve Midnight service and church service. Nothing like strengthening a bond even MORE with God.

No friendship will ever touch the way I feel about my sister. It goes beyond words but the friends I do have, I treasure. I know I can always count on Char. She pulled me out of the darkest time in my life. Jessica is my partner in crime. I can think of another person I’d like to share motherhood with… Kristi has become my sounding board and I don’t think I could make it through a work day without Ashley. So many different personalities but I quietly thank God for each one.

On Faith:

I don’t know how I ever coexisted in a relationship with someone who didn’t believe. It is such a part of who I am and the way I want to raise my children. My life revolves around my faith and belief in God. Each quiet moment I am thanking God for my amazing life and for the strength to teach my son how to live a purpose-driven, God filled life.

I got an email survey the other day that you send your friends to fill out about you and they send back. The question read: If I were stranded on a desert island and I could bring one item what would it be? I told Ashley she’d bring her cell phone to call for help. She told me I’d bring a bible so when the cell phone stopped working we could pray our way out of there! The answer made me laugh but I knew it was true.

Kaleb will be dedicated in January by my brother-in-law, Donald. We couldn’t think of a preacher who loved Kaleb more to help us dedicate his life back to God. It really is an overwhelming ceremony and such an important part of beginning Kaleb’s life. Brian and I continue to search for a church attend and become members. We are trying to find a balance between my traditional church and his love of modern music and sermons. We are having a ton of fun along the way exploring churches. We are headed to one tonight (sans Kaleb- thank you Auntie O!) and Sunday with Brian and Jessica. On Christmas Eve we’ll be sitting in the pew as the clock tolls midnight in a candle light service with Brian and Jessica. (Kaleb and Riley are going to be fast asleep in Riley’s bed =)) We all have way too much to be thankful for this year to not have ourselves praising God and reflecting on our many blessings.

On Brian:

How can I write and not mention him? He drives me absolutely insane but I wouldn’t have it any other way. We laugh constantly. We lay on the floor of our son’s bedroom watching him sleep together. We pray together. He is everything I prayed for in a husband and father. He is literally the half that makes me whole.

All of my previous relationships look like such a joke now. If I ever had any doubt about spending the rest of my life with Brian, September 25 changed it all. There are things that we shared in the midnight hour of the chapel at Christ Hospital that only God will ever understand. As we begged, pleaded, bargained and cried to God for our son’s healing Brian and I saw our lives in each other and our son. I’m not sure there is anyone in this world that could break the bond we share. (Okay, okay I can hear you gagging as you are reading) Besides, there aren’t really words to express what he means to me.

Okay I got my heavy reflective piece out of the way. I’ll update tomorrow and let you know how our night went in church!


Ashley said...

How did you used to get thru the days?! Im looking forward to our weddings...and its nice for me to have somebody that kinda knows what its like to go thru all of it. The only other friend I have that is married is Jessica, and I think we know how I feel about asking her for advice!!!

Jessica Shanks said...

Stop making me cry...really, stop! I'm so happy that Brian and I have friends in our lives like you two. You understand me when Brian doesn't and they understand each other while neither one of us ever will, lol.