Monday, June 1, 2010
So my doc appointment on Friday went amazing. I did so well on my blood pressure check that I got a, "Great Job Ericka!" with a 116/70 for the 3rd visit in a row. She showed me on the electronic chart where my BP was with Kaleb at this point and I was already borderline high and had some protein in my urine. Hahaha! I guess not stressing out makes for a healthier baby and Mama.
Dr.Grim was so happy about my health (including minimal weight gain- 10 pounds so far with baby girl) that he said he's positive I'll make it to my due date so he was going to go ahead and schedule my c-section. He even asked if any day of the week was particularly good for Brian or I. I giggled a bit when I said, "No whatever you think is best." It is just bizarre to me to get to pick her birthday! He did say that he didn't want my water to break or me to go into labor on my own so he wants to do it at least a week out. So we are scheduled:
Monday, July 19th at 7:30 am.
Now I don't know if we have to be there at 7:30 or before that because we'll do all of that stuff during my next appointment in 2 weeks. Yeah, I'm on the 2 week appointment schedule now. How did that happen? There are a few things I'm sad we won't get to do with her, like the 3D ultrasound. I am so far along now they don't recommend it because they just look smashed. I can live with that because I'm still a little bitter that I had 2, yes 2, with Kaleb and no one thought to tell me, "Hey I think you might want to get his hand checked by your doc!" Boooo on them for that but they do have the disclaimer about it not being a "medical" ultrasound. I just think it's impolite to NOT say something, anything to the mother.
I have mixed feeling about the c-section. I know it is the one thing about her birth that I am sure of and I hope everything during that part goes the same as K's. But I am scared as hell about the rest.
I am scared of being left alone on the operating table so Brian can rush off with our barely breathing baby. I even thought of asking if Olivia could be waiting in scrub's outside the OR in case he needs to run off. I don't want to be alone again, wondering what is happening, praying for strength to keep it together which they are gone. I don't want to be wheeled into recovery without Brian and our baby girl right there with us. I want to breastfeed within an hour of her birth. I want to hold her and kiss her and smell her while my spinal wears off and Brian makes a joyful announcement that she is here AND healthy to the waiting room of people. I'm sure everyone will be waiting on pins too. I know all too well what Brian coming out to the waiting room announcing Kaleb's birth did to our ENTIRE family. Char got it over the phone because she was working. Guess who has already scheduled July 19th off so she can be there in person? What would I do without those who love me and my babies even more?
But whenever I think about being scared I think of God. And my sweet angel now and how all those scary moments were worth every. single. second.
Monday, June 1, 2010